By Adam Cadmon
NEWS ITEM: “Ms. Rosalie Blue, a candy store owner in Petaluma, California, is fighting to prevent her two children from being made wards of the court. Ms. Blue claims that she is God.” Intrigued by this article, I resolved that the next time I found myself in the vicinity of Petaluma, I would take along a tape recorder and look up Ms. Blue.
HIGH FRONTIERS: Ms. Blue, what’s it like to be God?
ROSALIE BLUE: There’s no other way to be.
HF: You mean you prefer it to being Rosalie Blue?
HF: I’m afraid I don’t follow you.
RB: Well, it’s like Doonesbury suddenly getting up off the paper and seeing that he’s always been flat.
HF: So being God is going into another dimension?
RB: Well, it means stepping outside the little house you’ve been decorating all your life and getting a glimpse of the Big City.
HF: So, expanding your horizons?
RB: No, junking your imprint.
HF: I see. Uh, how did you discover that you were God?
RB: I didn’t discover it; I set it up.
RB: Of the various possibilities, that seemed the most inviting. So I began redecorating. Later I found out that this inviting feeling could develop into a real yearning… one of the most powerful tools you can acquire, tho’ I must admit, a bit too earnest for my taste. Anyhow, I simply immersed myself in new models. Sorta like before you visit a new country you try to fill yourself with the language, maps, history, etc.
HF: So you deceived yourself into thinking…
RB: No more than I deceived myself into thinking that I’m Rosalie Blue.
HF: But you didn’t decide to be Rosalie Blue.
HF: If you are indeed God, why is it that throughout history people have usually thought of you as masculine?
RB: When you’re knocking about the Mesopotamian desert and you catch a glimpse of the infinite, about the grandest picture you can come up with for it is your tribal chieftain.
HF: Are you a feminist?
RB: What the hell are you talking about? Does Jerry Falwell piss Diet Pepsi?
HF: What do you think of the creationists?
RB: They are an excellent illustration of the Darwinian principle of atavism.
HF: But people who believe in The Bible, the word of God, come to quite different conclusions than you.
RB: Sheer idolatry. That’s what Moses smote the tablets for, confusing the image with what it represents. What’s a meta for anyway?
HF: Why do you think that the courts want to take your kids away?
RB: They try to imagine how these kids were conceived and they can’t handle it.
HF: Well, I guess we’ve gone on about as far as we can this way. Is there any message you’d like to leave our readers?
RB: Yes: Nothing matters